she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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