I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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