youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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