I wanna passion pit in your ass
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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