I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I think my moral compass just broke
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
