singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
