Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
