I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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