Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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