i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
