Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
