Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
