Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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