Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Success! We fucked roommates!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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