Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
