One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
