Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
