you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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