Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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