I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
