Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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