I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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