My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
