This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
