As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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