Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
