Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
