I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
