I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
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