I heard we made out
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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