Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
