I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
