is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
