Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
