yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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