Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
