Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Houston, we have a blender
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
