I wish I only lived at night.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
