saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
