Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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