I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
