Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
too bad you live with your parents still
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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