Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
