um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
