Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
