I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
