I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
