i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
