I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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