Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
