I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Last time i carry you out of a forest
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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