The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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