I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
